Sometimes I feel like my confidence slips away, like my shield of coolness just slip off of me, and I don't know how to be me again.

Its like everything I do feels wrong, feels weird, uncomfortable, uneasy, awkward.

I wonder if it's only me, that worried about if it's ever going to come back, the real me. Or is this the real me? I don't know.

I wonder if this is what depression feels like, except it's all the time. Maybe this is what they called a "bad day", you know when sometimes you just feel immersed in a negative flow, out of no where.

But my day doesn't continue to suck, except for those moments, so trivial but so impactful. I forgot how these deep dark feelings feel until it emerges again, and it always comes to me by surprise.

I guess intense feelings aren't easy to remember, because they are so out of reach of our "normal" functioning brain.

I want to know what opens the key to that uncontrollable switch, the switch that turns you happy or sad, clever or slow, confidant or intimidated. Or is it completely by random?

Maybe we'll spend our entire lives searching for that answer, thinking if we search hard enough, faithful enough, we would find it. But maybe, just maybe, sometimes some people are just luckier.